French philosopher, theologian and mathematician Blaise Pascal He came up with an idea that we can take advantage of in our daily lives with extraordinary utility: the art of making the other person change his mind.
Nobody likes to be wrong. However, it is easier persuade than impose reasons. With extraordinary eloquence and simplicity, Pascal expresses it this way in his Thoughts (published posthumously in 1669):
When we try to correct with advantage and show the other that he is wrong, we must note from what point of view he sees the matter, since from there it is usually true, and acknowledge that truth, but also reveal to him the angle from which it is false.
The difference between arguing and collaborating he believes that the truth can have many edges, and an opinion is simply a point of view regarding a problem. Thus, by acknowledging that the other has at least part of the truth in what he says, «he is satisfied to see that he was not wrong, and that he just failed to look at all other angles.» By uniting several points of view, we are more likely to get a complete picture of that situation or problem. Pascal adds:
Now, no one can be offended by not being able to observe everything; but nobody likes to be wrong, and this probably derives from the fact that man naturally can’t see everythingand that naturally he cannot be wrong from the angle he observes, since the perceptions of our senses are always true.
In discussions we have with other people, being right may be less important than finding a common point of view. Nobody likes to fall into contradictions, much less to show you that your opinion is wrong; however, it is likely that sooner or later we too will be wrong. Thus, it will be more likely to persuade the other to change his point of view if we recognize that part of what he says is true (a trick that can also work to be more empathetic with the point of view of others):
People are usually better persuaded by reasons they have discovered themselves than by reasons that came through the minds of others.
The psychology professor Arthur Markmanfrom the University of Texas at Austin, confirms this insight of Pascal’s when speaking in terms of «defenses»:
If I immediately start telling you all the ways you’re wrong, you have no incentive to cooperate. But if I start by saying “oh yeah, you have a couple of very good points here, I think they are important points”, then you give the other party a reason to want to cooperate as part of an exchange. And that gives you the opportunity to point out your own concerns about the other’s position, in a way that allows for cooperation.
Rather than being right at all costs, Markman says, it’s better to allow yourself to change your mind: “One of the things you have to do to allow the other person to change their mind is to lower their defenses and prevent them from sticking with the position you’re in. They have already been planted”.
And you, do you allow yourself to easily change your point of view?
* Main illustration: Man Repeller
It might interest you