It is increasingly common to find people who have chosen not to live as a couple and They are happily single, far from the nuclear family stereotype. Other people, however, despite having spent their lives looking for the right person who never comes, They live in anguish for not having been able to find her. They believe, mistakenly, that if they can’t get along they will never be happy.

Many of the people who come to my consultation fit this pattern. They drag behind them complicated sentimental stories. They have spent their lives from relationship to relationship, trying to adapt to each other’s desires. They have made an effort to please, to be the ideal couple. But their relationships have failed, time and time again.

The relationships of these people often They have turned out to be stormy, with submission, dissatisfaction or jealousy as protagonists. And although in none of these relationships they have achieved the much-anticipated happiness, they persevere. They believe that it is a matter of patience: even if they suffer unbearable things along the way, in the end someone will come who will complete them and provide them with eternal happiness.

Why don’t we find our ideal partner?

Actually, the point is not that it is difficult to find our ideal partner. What happens is that many people start from an erroneous premise. It is not about looking for a partner that adapts to us, nor about being the ones to adapt to a partner. These types of relationships are doomed to failure.

Our main objective should not be to desperately search for a partner, but free ourselves from our negative patterns, dragged from our childhood. This way we will achieve our personal emotional balance without having to look for it outside, but rather finding it within ourselves.

By doing this personal work of liberation, we will most likely stop being attracted to the type of toxic people we were attracted to before. After having healed our wounds, we will not need others to cover our shortcomings.

When your wounds heal, decide if you want a partner

By working with ourselves and with our stories we can achieve our well-being and our emotional independence. We will feel full, happier and more authentic in relationships with others. We will no longer have to sacrifice anything of ours to be liked or so that others do not get angry.

Frequently, when a person has reached this state of well-being with themselves, it is common for them to find other people who, in turn, have made their own personal journey of liberation. They may start, if it is their life choice, a relationship, but in a very different way. as he did in the past.

The relationships between two free (and liberated) people are much more open, authentic and natural, They are no longer mediated by the needs or obligations of each one.

Other people, after freeing themselves from old patterns and patriarchal teachings, understand that, really, They don’t need a partner to be happy. They relax, stop worrying and forcing themselves to look for a partner, and begin to enjoy life for themselves, not through others.

The case of Susana and her unsatisfactory relationships

This vital change was what Susana made. He came to my consultation after countless relationships that always ended in a very unpleasant way. When she began life together with her new partner, she felt good, protected and flattered by the boy she was with at that moment. She was trying to make an effort to please and please her partner. A few months passed during which everything was going well.

However, as time went by, she felt worse and worse. Since he kept quiet about everything that he thought might displease his partner, he accumulated it inside him. For this reason, a deep well of discomfort was creating within her.

Little by little, Susana He realized that more and more of his partner’s habits and attitudes were bothering him. Sometimes, without even being aware of the reason, she felt angry with her partner for some trivial thing. Over time, when he couldn’t take it anymore and the arguments became more frequent, the relationship broke up.

Throughout her therapy, Susana He was releasing all the ties and brakes that he had carried since his childhood. She learned to listen to herself more and express what she wanted at any given moment.

He also freed himself from the obligation to please others. so they wouldn’t get angry (a pattern she had learned as a child while trying to please her father, an authoritarian and vehement man).

When he managed to become emotionally independent from others, The young woman began to look more at herself and stop attending to other people’s needs ahead of her own.

After her work in therapy, Susana, a great lover of nature, decided to take the step of hiking regularly. Sometimes she went on excursions in a group and other times alone. She no longer needed to feel accompanied to enjoy life, now she truly enjoyed it for herself, without depending on others. Of course, I went out with friends and maintained a healthy sex life, but never with the intention of having a stable partner. The young woman had understood that her ideal state was to keep her privacy for herself. He finally felt free.

Just like Susanna did, each person must find your personal balance. This means never stopping feeling free with ourselves.