Can we talk about setting limits on love? Surely not, if what we want is to talk about the love of romantic novels, eternal and exclusive. Nor can we put limits if we talk about the love of Greek tragedies, dramatic and irresistible.

But something else happens with our daily love. The love that we are truly capable of feeling and that we hope others can feel for us. For better and for worse, that love is not some sublime and unlimited feeling.

It is not, I repeat to make it clear, It is not an emotion reserved for a fewnor something that is felt exclusively at one moment in life in front of a single person.

What is true love?

He possible and real love It is closely related to what in everyday language we could state as “loving someone very much”, and which, simplified, can be defined as the simple and committed manifestation of “purest interest that someone is capable of feeling for another person.”

And let it be clear that I say “simple” not to downplay its importance, but to downplay its solemnity and so that we can all understand the magic and presence of this feeling in everyone’s lives.

The person who takes care of you, the one who is happy with your achievements, the one who respects your choices… without a doubt, loves you.

Said another way: the person who takes care of you and feels that you care, the one who is happy with your achievements and accompanies you in a difficult moment, the one who respects your times and your choices… without a doubt loves you, although sometimes I tell you noeven if he never seriously thinks about committing suicide if what you want most goes wrong, and even if one day he doesn’t choose you to share any of his projects.

In this video you can see a selection of phrases about true love:

The love of a couple, when it is true, is not absorbing

The personal spaces and times of each member of a couple are a fundamental part of the structure of a healthy bond. If they did not exist, both would be caked together and fused in an amalgam that, far from enriching them, would impoverish them.

The couple feeds on diversity and, for it to exist, the different spaces, interests and times must be defined. Must let our partner know that we do not stop loving them or paying attention to them or take it into account even though we like to have your spaces of solitude. Because personal spaces are not, nor should they be, a threat to the other.

Truly loving means taking responsibility for your own.

Of course, this definition of the limits of love can only conform to those who We know that we need others, of your presence and your help, but we never hold them responsible for our lives, of our successes or our moods.

And of course, this look will never be enough for those who prefer to grant others the power to make them angry, to make them cry or to make them happy, because they do not want to accept that they are responsible for their lives.

Learn to love without demands or sacrifices

It is true that we are not self-sufficient, but it is our commitment to learn to love as an adult, to understand the difference between asking and demanding, to accept that The other may not have or not want to give us what we need today, and learn the difference between giving up and sacrificing.

Does your partner manipulate you? Find out in this video.

All philosophers, thinkers and therapists in history have created their own definition of love. Even I, without being anything like that, have mine:

“My love is the sincere decision and consequent action of create a space of freedom for the loved one. A space so large and unconditioned that she can choose what she wants, even when her decision is not the one that most favors me, even when her choice does not include me.”

Whether or not this definition fits the one that resides in you and determines your way of relating, the truth is that managing not to depend on others is, without a doubt, one of the great challenges of those of us who fight daily for a full life, that is, of those of us who aim to be happy; of which we know that Not declaring yourself pending the gaze of the other, their approval or their applause, has costs, and that we are willing to pay for them, although they are not cheap at all.

He who loves in freedom will always be accused, by those who still travel through dependent spaces, of being arrogant, stupid, cruel or aggressive, amid reproach for being antisocial, selfish and even unloving.

A sad story about love

Once upon a time, on the outskirts of a town, a huge and beautiful tree that lived giving those who approached the freshness of its shadow, the aroma of its flowers and the incredible song of the birds that nested in its branches.

The tree was loved by everyone, but especially by the children, who climbed the trunk and swung between the branches with their complacent complicity. Although the tree loved people, there was one child who was its favorite. He always appeared at dusk, when the others were leaving.

«Hello, little friend,» said the tree, and with great effort it lowered its branches to the ground to help the child climb, also allowing him to cut some of its green shoots to make a crown of leaves, although the tear hurt a little. The boy swung eagerly and told the tree about the things that happened to him every day at home.

Almost overnight, the boy became a teenager and stopped visiting the tree. Time passed… and suddenly, one afternoon, the tree saw him walking in the distance and called him with joy and enthusiasm:

—Friend… Come, come closer… It’s been a while since you came… Climb up and let’s chat.

«I don’t have time for stupid things,» said the boy.

—But… we had so much fun together when you were little…

—Before I didn’t know that money was needed to live, now I’m looking for money. Do you have money to give me?

The tree was a little sad, but it quickly recovered.

—I don’t have money, but I have my branches full of fruit. You could go up and take some, sell them and get the money you need.

«Good idea,» said the boy, and climbed the branch that the tree gave him so he could climb like when he was a boy. And he plucked all the fruit from the tree, including those that were not yet ripe. He filled some burlap bags with them and went to the market. The tree was surprised that its friend didn’t even say thank you, but it deduced that it would be urgent to get there before the buyers closed. Ten years passed until the tree saw its friend pass by again. He was already an adult.

«How big you are,» he said excitedly; Come, go up like when you were a child, tell me about yourself, how you feel.

—You don’t understand anything, I’m the one to climb… What I need is a house. Could you perhaps provide me with one?

The tree thought about it for a few minutes.

—No, but my branches are strong and elastic. You could make a very sturdy house with them. What do you think?

The young man ran away with his face lighting up. An hour later, with a saw he cut each of its branches, both the dry and the green ones. The tree felt pain, but it did not complain. He didn’t want his friend to feel guilty.

The tree was silent until the pruning was finished and then it saw the young man walk away, waiting for a look or a gesture of gratitude that never came.

With the trunk bare, the tree dried up. He was too old to grow back branches and leaves to feed him. Maybe for that reason, because he was already old, when he saw it coming, years later, he only said:

-Hello. What do you need this time?

—I want to travel. But what can you do? You no longer have branches or fruits that can be used to sell, like before…

«What does it matter, son,» said the tree, «you can cut my trunk… with it you might be able to build a canoe to travel the world at your leisure.»

«Good idea,» the man stated.

Hours later he returned with an ax and cut down the tree. He packed his canoe and left.

Only the small stump at ground level remained of the old tree. They say that the tree is still waiting for its friend to return so he can tell it about his trip.

He doesn’t realize that he won’t come back. The boy has grown up, but sadly he has become one of those men who never goes where there is nothing to drink. The tree waits, empty, although it knows it has nothing more to give.

Love without depending on your partner

The tree and the man in the story show very different forms of love.

In any case, there will be different ways of loving, and these ways of expressing what I feel will depend more on who I am than on how much I want.

There will be good and healthy loves, which are those felt by those with good and healthy hearts. And there will also be unhealthy loves, that of the incapable, that of the manipulators, that of the possessive, that of the dependent, that of those who never realized that the greatest value of someone being there appears when one realizes that they could choose to have left.

Perhaps what has been said could be summarized by stating that Those who have learned to love do not depend on the person they love, but they do not allow them to depend on them either.because they know that on either side of the chain, the slave and the master are victims of slavery and reject it outright. Those who know and feel true love give themselves without forgetting their right to set limits; and they pretend to be loved in the same way.