Dealing with emotionally immature people is almost a rite of adulthood: we all experience it at some point, and when it happens, we know by contrast that we have matured (at least a little). We are talking about those people who, When faced with any criticism, they react defensivelydivert responsibilities or even try to manipulate you with comments that make you doubt your perception. Communicating with them can be an exhausting challenge, both in the family environment and at work.

The curious thing is that, without realizing it, we can also fall into using certain phrases that reflect this emotional immaturity. Identifying and avoiding them is crucial to communicating assertively (and reacting well when we hear them from other people’s mouths). Kathy and Ross Petras, communication experts and bestselling authors You’re Saying it Wrong have identified some of the most common expressions that reveal an emotionally immature attitude. Take note, because learning to recognize them can make your life much easier.

It’s not my fault, I haven’t done anything

If you hear a child of about five years old saying this when being scolded by his teacher, the phrase fits perfectly. The problem is when you hear it from Ramón, 45 years old, manager of your company. When something goes wrong, Emotionally immature people tend to avoid assuming their share of responsibility, whether they are 5 or 45 years old.. For example, if you are late for an appointment, you will excuse yourself by saying that “there was a lot of traffic” instead of acknowledging that you didn’t leave on time.

This phrase reflects an obvious difficulty in accepting one’s own mistakes and learning from them. According to experts, assuming responsibility is one of the keys to emotional maturity, since it allows personal growth and honest communication.

If you hadn’t done that, this wouldn’t have happened.

We have had two, and we already see a clear pattern: the objective is always to get rid of responsibility. In this case, the phrase achieves this by transferring this responsibility to another. It is common to hear it in discussions in which an (emotionally immature) person feels that they have lost control.. Instead of analyzing what happened, they prefer to blame someone else, which can generate very toxic dynamics in the relationship.

Although it may seem fun when cold, This phrase can become really dangerous when, for example, it appears after an attack within the couple.. You are never responsible for the way another person acts. Each one is responsible, solely and exclusively, for his or her own actions. And nothing justifies aggression, in any context.

You are exaggerating

If you are surrounded by emotionally immature people, you will have heard it a thousand times and in a thousand different ways: “You are so sensitive!”, “You are exaggerating,” “It’s no big deal.” These phrases They disqualify the other person’s emotions and are a clear example of emotional invalidation.. When someone says this, the message is sent that the other person’s feelings are not legitimate, which can lead to guilt, insecurity, and frustration.

This type of attitude is related to what is known in psychology as gaslighting or “smoke bomb”, a manipulation that seeks to make the other doubt their perception of reality. Mature people, on the other hand, know how to validate other people’s emotions, even when they do not share them.

Yeah whatever

Behind this phrase, which may sound familiar to you, there is a refusal to continue dialogue and resolve a conflict. It’s a way passive-aggressive of ending a conversation without addressing the real problem.

People who use this expression generally feel uncomfortable with discussions and prefer to avoid them, even if this means leave important issues unresolved. Emotional maturity implies, precisely, learning to face differences with empathy and a willingness to dialogue.

What are you saying? I never said that!

A classic in discussions that can become a dangerous form of communicative manipulation. Who uses it (knowingly lying) tries to rewrite reality to avoid assuming a mistake or a lie, say the Petras brothers. Although it may be an impulsive response, its constant repetition can undermine trust in a relationship.

Emotional maturity requires recognize when one is wrongeven if it means facing an uncomfortable conversation. Assuming one’s own actions strengthens credibility and mutual respect.

It’s your problem

This expression reflects a dangerous evasive attitude towards conflict. Whoever says it is avoiding getting involved in solving the problem, ignoring the relationship.

In any healthy relationship, cooperation and willingness to help are key. Emotionally mature people understand that although a problem does not affect them directlycan contribute to find a solution if it is important to the other.

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