By . May 7, 2024.

In my last Newsletter entitled became, I spoke of the vital moment in which I am: leaving behind a stage of more than 20 years in which the mother’s archetype has been present very strongly, to create space and give way to the archetype of the shaman in me.

Today I want to name some more invisible aspects of what this transmutation is meaning, knowing that the practice of writing always brings me light and clarity, and that hopefully what I am experiencing when counted can resonate with other women, with you, somewhere … somewhere …

I will never forget the moment more than 2 years ago in which I perceived the prolonged descent of estrogens in my body, pointing to me the definitive entry into the climacteric.

Just coincided with my son’s decision to live most of the time with his father. A step that brought me a very curious mixture of relief and release, open to a new space in my life, along with huge waves of sadness and an intimate understanding of the famous ‘empty nest syndrome’.

On the other hand, it was a time when Gemma’s children lived longer with us, and I perfectly remember a day when she hung dozens of her socks on the tendard, while in my mind I loaded an endless list of tasks to sustain the project.

Suddenly I got a lion’s roar inside, it was a part of me who was totally fed up with the innumerable care of the mother that my biology could no longer even sustain.

I was an intense and vivid image, which then discovered that many women in the perimenopause stage transit: I saw myself leaving the main door of house throwing a match behind me that symbolically burned the whole house, and with it, all my responsibilities. And I walked free towards the sunset …!

Now I feel that I can laugh with tenderness and bow before that exhausted mother … but at that time, and for the next two years, until very recently, I have accompanied me a tiredness of the one that seemed to never come out …

The energy of the shaman is bringing me a powerful and beautiful movement that with his honest and deep backward look, he is helping me to review what has been lived, to appreciate the fruits and make decisions, just this year in which my son will do 18 years, and I 50.

In the visible, I am encouraged to value the entire delivery of the mother in relation to cyclical women: the overflowing creativity, the fertile cooking, the team work, the juggling of the entrepreneur, the desire to share, to expand, to be generous, solidarity, to be part of a social transformation, the fabric of a large network in many countries …

At times I have forgotten all this, such as when you are in the premenstrual phase and you only see everything that does not work ‘. (And when I realize the amount of fruits, I am not surprised by the fatigue I have felt!)

And in the invisible, the shadow of the mother. Under the layers of that fatigue, there are the duels, the friendships that were lost along the way, competitiveness and envy between women, the pain of the feeling that «I have given more than I have received», to feel copied, used, to connect with the shortage, of the pattern of overexertion and perfectionism, of not put of the computer, not listening to my body …

Very deep layers of the patriarchy installed in our being, in my being, and of ancient wounds, that the climacteric helps us look, to name and reveal.

I now come from a one -week retirement in Isla de la Gomera, in which I danced more than five hours a day (I didn’t know it could!). The dance is undoubtedly the medicine that the shaman in me longs for me and where new paths are drawn … I have cried every day, warm and sweet tears, which have allowed me to dissolve lovingly many pains and knots, in a wonderfully sustained space.

Throughout the retirement I have connected a lot through dance with this stage closure, and with what the decision to celebrate the latest edition of our four online courses means.

While he danced, a prayer emerged from a deep place, on the portal between the mother and the shaman: it would be wonderful that the income of these last editions can support me to make a quiet transition to this new stage, to create a way of living with which I already dream. And recover a part of the economic losses of the last two years.

I trust that many things are healing and rebalancing inside, beyond what I can control or imagine.

Thanks again for accompanying me in this transformation.

Stay reading is transformed part III: La Voz de la Chamana