Throughout history, great minds in the world of psychology have cleared up unknowns about what makes up our welfare. One of those great minds was that of Nathaniel Brandenwho dedicated a good part of his career to reflecting on self-esteem.
For Branden, the path to good self-esteem inevitably begins with a change of focus that consists of accepting our defects and virtues, to live honestly. “Self-esteem,” the psychotherapist said, “is not based on what others think of you, but on how you value yourself.” Internalizing this perspective changes everything, because it allows you to accept yourself, and eliminates the continuous battle against yourself.
This, in turn, can reduce anxiety, save us from choosing a bad partner or prevent us from abusive jobs. Having good self-esteem, therefore, is essential for happiness.. And that is why, in 1994, the psychologist wrote The six pillars of self-esteemin which he reviewed what are the six most important lessons that every person should learn to love themselves. Six key habits that you can start applying now.
Live consciously
Branden’s first piece of advice is to live in consciousness mode. That is to say, be aware of ourselves. Because yes, many times we automate life so much that we lose, the awareness of what we are, what we do and, above all, our great why.
Living in a conscious mode means that we leave automation to realize what our motivations, our purposes and, above all, our values are. Everything that pushes us to act.
But it also means differentiate reality from what we interpret. Because facts and the conclusions we draw from them are rarely the same thing.
All of this requires a constant exercise of self-awareness. We must ask ourselves why we do what we dowhy we think what we think, and of these answers, which are based on truth and which are based on speculation or external mandates.
Accept yourself
We know that self-esteem is much more than what you feel about your body, but there is no doubt that acceptance of our image is essential to building strong and well-rooted self-love.
For this reason, Branden proposes a simple but key exercise in his book. It consists of looking in the mirror and paying attention to the feelings that contemplating our own image provokes in us.. There may be parts of you that you don’t like, but still, look at them. And, what’s more, do it with love. Give thanks to what you consider imperfections, because they are all part of you and allow you to be alive. Is there anything more beautiful than that?
Take responsibility for your life
Victimhood is the enemy of self-esteem. If you believe that there is nothing you can do to improve your life, if you believe that you are a victim of everything that happens to you and that you do not have any tools in your hands to assert yourself, you are lost.
It is you, and no one else, who builds your existence. So you must be the one who demands respect, who fights to fulfill your dreams and who strives to achieve your goals. No one else is going to do it for you, so don’t look outside for blame.. Take responsibility for your life.
Practice self-affirmation
The way we talk to each other largely marks our self-esteem. After all, language is the main tool our mind has at its disposal to construct reality.
If you beat yourself up, if you insult yourself or underestimate yourself, you will be destroying your self-esteem.. Instead, practice self-affirming messages. Look in the mirror and remind yourself that you respect yourself, that you treat yourself with love. That you are authentic, and you like to be that way. That you deserve love, and that you give it to yourself.
And if there is something about yourself that you find difficult to accept, transform it into a positive sentence and repeat it until you get tired. For example, if you are a person who needs more time to do things, don’t call yourself «slow.» Rephrase the phrase and write in a notebook: “I am a detail-oriented person who likes to take his time to do things well.” Everything you consider a flaw could be a gift. It depends on the perspective.
Put your purpose at the center
Once you have discovered your gifts, and accepted them as part of yourself, ask yourself… What can I do with these talents that will help others? Recognizing what you can contribute to the world will help you give purpose to your lifeto set goals that allow you to advance and grow on a personal level.
And this is essential for self-esteem, because we build it in reference to what we can contribute to others.
Be whole
Finally, always remember what Mahatma Gandhi once said: “Real happiness occurs when what you say, what you think and what you do are in harmony.” There is no self-esteem without coherencebecause without coherence there is no authenticity.
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