“We have the love that we believe we deserve and that our parents taught us to believe we deserved” and As a consequence of low self-esteem, we can tend to romanticize the minimum effort on the part of our partners.
From the moment you meet someone, you both begin to set a bar of standards based on your expectations of the relationship. Having good self-esteem can somehow guarantee that someone who begins to be part of your life really adds to you, instead of subtracting.
Because, definitely, there are people in relationships who are not ready for such, because they do not want to assume the effort and commitment that a relationship requires. However, the «tranquillity” of being in a couple is superior. And also many others who settle for little because they are afraid of loneliness.
The TikTok psychoanalyst Alexianalizes assured that “Romanticizing the minimum effort” is the result of unconscious beliefs that we are not valuable, worthy of having a partner, to be appreciated or to be valued.
The expert indicated that Falling into these behaviors is overvaluing the things that are essential in a relationship: that there is emotional intimacy, that there is affection, that there is a feeling of security, that there is companionship, fidelity, aspects that are frankly basic within a healthy relationship.
He emphasized that all of these are “the minimum” to have a good relationship. “That is, each member of the relationship should feel that ‘the basics’ are being covered. And the basics should not be romanticized,” he warned.
To make her point clearer, Alexia exemplified with some phrases how you could be romanticizing the minimum effort in your relationship:
–“My partner has not been unfaithful to me, even though he has had plenty of opportunities.”
–“It just doesn’t hit me”
–“He’s not lying to me.”
–“He loves me a lot”
He highlighted that The basics are the boundaries you have with yourself to protect yourself from what you are willing or not willing to do within a relationship.
So, if you have a relationship with monogamy agreements, the minimum is to expect fidelity; security is essential in a romantic relationship; respect for others should guarantee transparency as a baseline; and love is what is necessary for a union of this type to work.
“The basics must be respected, not romanticized”, he concluded.
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