The expression, horrible if you ask me, “grumpy old man,” is not coincidental. It is true that, with age, some people seem to have a sour character. Where there was kindness and closeness before, a constant feeling of contempt begins to permeate..

This is how psychologist Leticia Martín Enjuto explains it to us, who assures that «people who, over the years, become more difficult to treat or ‘unbearable’ are usually dealing with a complex mix of factors that affect their way of relating.»

The psychologist, who has collaborated with our magazine to address these circumstances, has helped us analyze possible behaviors and explanations hidden behind this change in character. And it is that, Although there may be exceptions, it is important to understand that behind this change there is no evil or ill will.. “It is essential to look beyond the annoying behavior and understand what is happening in their internal world,” says the expert, “because there are almost always emotions, cognitive changes or health problems that mark their behavior.”

They suffer memory leaks

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People who tend to behave erratically or apparently unpleasantly after a certain age may be victims of cognitive deterioration, and according to Leticia Martín Enjuto, This is one of the most common reasons for this change in behavior.

“When memory fails or orientation is lost, the person can feel frustrated, confused and vulnerable, and that can lead to irritability, aggressiveness, or controlling behaviors that others find difficult to manage«explains the expert. This deterioration is common in «neurodegenerative diseases such as Alzheimer’s or dementia,» and may be the first explanation for this type of behavior.

They complain of pain

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Although complaints may in themselves be behavior classified as “irritating,” Leticia Martín Enjuto asks us to look with empathy at our elders and understand that, sometimes, it is chronic pain or frequent physical limitations in old age that changes character. These constant discomforts, says the expert, “They greatly affect mood and tolerance.”

“Living with constant discomfort wears out patience, increases irritation and decreases the ability to adapt to changes or sociocultural demandswhich translates into attitudes that are often perceived as rebellion or bad predisposition,” continues Martín Enjuto.

They feel alone

Another of the main culprits of this type of behavior is loneliness, which, as they say, is a bad companion. “We cannot forget the emotional burden that aging entails,” says the expert, “such as loneliness, significant losses—of loved ones, autonomy or projects—anxiety or depression”. All of them, increasingly common and widespread as a result of our digitalized society, can “amplify difficult behaviors.”

The psychologist assures that, unfortunately, “these emotions often go unnoticed,” when they can be the key to everything. Because in addition to deteriorating the person’s mental health, «they encourage withdrawal or, sometimes, a challenging and demanding posture towards their environment.»

The personality factor

In addition to these behaviors that can warn of a change in character, and that should worry us in our elders, the expert assures that personality also plays a key roleespecially when it “ages well.”

“As they age, some people become more rigid and less open to changes such as moving or adjusting their daily routine. This inflexibility can manifest itself in a bad character or in selfish and manipulative behavior, that respond to the attempt to control a world that they perceive to be increasingly uncertain,” explains the expert.

In these cases, there are no behaviors that serve as a warning. Simply put, we are dealing with someone who has settled into inflexibility. And as the philosopher José Antonio Marina reminded us in an interview, «it is true that some elderly people tend to be selfish, perhaps out of fear or because they feel socially excluded. However, They must make an effort to maintain their relationships and be aware of their environment. This requires dedication and work, but it is essential for a satisfactory old age.”

A kinder perspective

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Without ignoring the responsibility that each person may have for their own behaviors and attitudes, for Leticia Martín Enjuto it is crucial to provide a kind perspective on the treatment we give to our elders. And, as he explains to this medium, “it is important to highlight that, in most cases, These behaviors do not have a conscious, harmful intention, but rather express fear, frustration or the deep need to preserve their autonomy and dignity.. Therefore, they often translate into explosive or defiant communications in the face of what they perceive as threats or losses.”

Her advice, as an expert, is to summon patience, empathy and understanding, as well as ask for help when necessary. “A professional approach that includes evaluating the medical origin, emotional or social behavior can improve not only coexistence, but also the quality of life of the elderlypromoting more respectful and affectionate relationships,” he explains.

Furthermore, remember that it is essential to obtain “a comprehensive diagnosis and personalized support, that contemplates both the body and the mind and the social environment«, since «it is essential to avoid stigmatizing complex behaviors and provide solutions tailored to each person, always seeking their well-being and dignity.»

Finally, the expert reminds us that “it is vital to encourage open communication and emotional support so that the older adult feels valued beyond their limitations or behavioral changes.” The secret, therefore, could be “understanding that behind these difficulties there is a human being who needs respect and company.” says the expert, who believes that this is a good first step “to transform what sometimes seems unbearable into a bond of care and mutual recognition.”

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