How many times have you found yourself quickly giving an opinion about another person with hardly any information available? What others do, say or even remain silent quickly becomes a matter of judgment, without any reflection or analysis behind the criticism. And, in this accelerated world, which amplifies its speed through social networks, Giving your opinion is easier than ever.

However, if we take a look at the sages of the past, whose messages continue to resonate in the present, we will discover that this exercise It is detrimental not only to our relationships, but also to our own happiness.. Because this inevitably depends on the ties that unite us to that “other” whom we judge without regard.

A stoic look at relationships

Marcus Aurelius, Seneca, Epictetus and the rest of the Stoics we know so well emphasized in their writings a monumental and inevitable truth: what we perceive is not always reality. Our perceptions are tied to our emotions and experiences. Thus, a friendly greeting could be seen by a friendly person as a gesture of joy, and for someone who is distrustful, something to be suspicious of.

The interpretation we give to what others say and do depends on our perception. And it is something that in the modern world we seem to have forgotten.

Not only do we not doubt our interpretations, demonstrating that we lack the most basic mechanism of critical thinkingbut we also share our opinion with the entire world without measuring its consequences.

And it was Socrates, long before the Stoics existed, who said that not all opinions are valid, but that what is valid is that everyone can express what they think. That is to say, although freedom of expression is the order of the day and we all champion its cause, We forget that to protect this right we must learn to give meaningful opinions

Opinion with sense

Marcus Aurelius, Roman emperor, understood better than anyone the weight of decisions. And, above all, the influence that one’s own emotions could have on our judgment. That is why, in his Meditationsthe philosopher writes: «get used to paying attention to what another person says and, as far as possible, try to get into his mind. Generally, one must first learn many things before one can judge another’s action with knowledge.»

With this phrase, the Stoic asks us to put ourselves in the other’s place, finding the strength to moderate our emotions.

The philosopher José Antonio Marina also speaks about the foolishness of playing with actions, others and the “affective failures” that this produces in his book The vaccine against foolishness. “The function of emotions is to guide our behavior, because they put us in contact with values ​​or countervalues. In their normal functioning they are useful, that is why they have been maintained throughout evolution,” writes the philosopher.

However, he warns us, “all these emotions can confuse the subject if they are not well calibrated.” So you are They can end up influencing our behavior in a negative way. “We can feel fear in non-dangerous situations, love can become a fatal passion and fury can become a ‘brief madness’, as ancient dictionaries defined it,” he adds.

Tempering emotions is, therefore, the only way to face a critical analysis of the expression of the other.. And to do this, as the Stoic emperor pointed out, we require a little empathy.

In each other’s shoes

We know that not all opinions are valid, that issuing them without rhyme or reason, without measuring their consequences, can affect our relationships. And we know that, to a large extent, We make mistakes in judging because we allow ourselves to be influenced by what we feel.something that does not always make it easier for us to be sensible.

In order to apply Marcus Aurelius’ advice and try to understand what we are told or what the other person does from their perspective, we must first temper our emotions. And for this, psychology recommends us:

• Take a conscious pause. Before responding or passing judgment, take three deep breaths. This gesture cuts off the impulsive reaction and gives room to look at things calmly.
• Detect your dominant emotion. Ask yourself, what do you feel? Identifying whether it is anger, fear or sadness helps you separate the emotion from the judgment.
• Change perspective. Try to put yourself in the other person’s shoes. What story, concern or circumstance could there be behind what you have said or done?
• Delay your opinion. It is not always necessary to give an opinion in the moment. Staying silent and waiting allows you to observe more clearly and avoid misunderstandings. Force yourself to question if that is really what you think before expressing your opinion out loud or on social media.
• Practice empathy and active listening. Listen without interrupting, ask questions instead of assuming, and validate the other person’s emotions, even if you don’t share their point of view.