Where is happiness hidden? In my career as a journalist I have had the opportunity to ask this question to dozens of professionals and illustrious people. Each one has a different answer. Some point to a balance between health, strong relationships and purposeamong them the philosopher José Antonio Marina.

For others, the happiness is simply serenityas the personal growth expert Álex Rovira assured me. Arthur Brooks, who I was lucky enough to speak with recently, pointed towards love as the true source of sincere happiness.

I can’t say for sure which of them is right. But I can assure you that I agree with Julia Roberts. Maybe happiness isn’t just one thing. Maybe it’s something different for each person. And even more, Maybe it means something different to each person at each moment of their life.. Learning to accept this change, to navigate its waves, is possibly the best way to guarantee our long-term happiness.

Happiness changes over time

If you were asked, at five years old, what makes you happiest in the world, you would be surprised by the answer. It could be your pet, playing in the park, being with your friends, watching your favorite cartoons, being hugged by your mother, or enjoying ice cream.. Happiness has many forms, and it is always in our early years where we understand its true simplicity.

With age the answer changes. You want to get good grades, then get your degree, buy a car, a house, have a partner, a good jobachieve success, be recognized, be admired. Succeed. It’s funny how as the years go by this word takes up more and more space in our minds.

Julia Roberts has triumphed, there is no doubt. But at 57 years old he has taken another step on this path that we all take towards happiness. “The notion of happiness is constantly changing”the actress confessed to Vogue, “it evolves as life progresses, whether due to life experiences, the environment that surrounds us, the current job or the attitude you have.”

A more mature stage

If at 5 years old happiness depends on a hug or an ice cream, and in a good part of our lives it is associated with success (in every possible sense), at 50 something curious happens. This is how psychologists observe it, who already talk about a “50s curve”which shows that happiness increases from this age until it stabilizes at its maximum potential at 70.

At 50, we seem to recover that concept of simple happiness, which does not depend on big things, but on small details. Our stress level is reduced, and we have more skills to manage complicated days. As if we understood, after having come a long way, that in reality nothing is that big of a deal. And most importantly, it is always within our reach.

In the case of Roberts, for her her moments of greatest happiness occur when she is with her family. «Therefore, if I have not been able to be with them during these years, I have asked to have a greater balance between my work and my personal life. I have been privileged to have this perspective»explains for the aforementioned medium.

Happiness is in oneself

Although she is clear that the concept of happiness changes, and that family is the most important thing for her at this moment in her life, Julia Roberts knows that the true origin of any joy is within oneself. “I am convinced that happiness begins within ourselves”he assures.

And science agrees with him. So does philosophy. We know that we cannot be happy if we do not take care of ourselves, both physically and mentally.. That is the first indisputable point of the formula that all experts share. If you don’t take care of your body, if you don’t learn to set limits to protect your mind, if you don’t cultivate your spirit with love and affection, you can’t be happy.

For everything else, let’s remember what the Stoics told us more than 2000 years ago. In particular, it was Epictetus who wrote in his life manual“Happiness and freedom begin with the clear understanding of one principle: Some things are under our control and others are not.. Only after having faced this fundamental rule and having learned to distinguish between what we can control and what we cannot, will inner tranquility and external effectiveness be possible.

You can’t control what happens to you, but you can control how you react to it. Cultivate a resilient, flexible mind and being able to distinguish between what you can control and what you cannot is possibly the best decision you can make to be happy. The rest will change. There will be times in your life when you care more about family, others it will be love, others peace. But if at all times you know that your happiness depends solely and exclusively on you, you will have the most important part under control.

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