“We live in a accelerated societywhere work, family and daily obligations take up almost our entire day,” explains psychologist Olga Albaladejo when we ask her what happens to friendships when we move into adulthood.

And, although during childhood making a friend is a matter of seconds, and in adolescence friendship is the cornerstone of our life, when we move into adulthood we stop having time to take care of our relationships.

The psychologist and author of Well-being spells You have been able to verify it in consultation. “Many times friendship is relegated to ‘when there is time’, and that rarely happens,” he explains. “However, research shows that social support is one of the greatest protective factors against stress, anxiety and depression”.

And that is why we must learn to take care of our friendships even in adult life. Or, if necessary, learn to make new friends.

Friendship and mental health

As the psychologist explained, having or not having friends is not just a matter of preferences. Friendship has a protective factor against stress, anxiety and depression. It is, therefore, good for our mental health.

This is proven, says the expert, “the famous Harvard Study of Adult Developmentstarted in 1938 and still running today, which confirms that the quality of our relationships is the strongest predictor of health and longevity, even more than money or professional success.» The study proved, the psychologist continues, that «friendships reduce cortisol levels, strengthen the immune system and even protect against cardiovascular diseases.»

And be careful, because this study talks about the quality of our relationships, and not the quantity of friendships we have. Because as Olga points out, “it’s not about quantity, but about authenticity.” But… What is a quality friendship? According to the expert, “a genuine friendship is characterized by trust, listening without judgment and the possibility of showing ourselves as we are.”

The interesting thing is that studies show that keeping “one or two deep relationships brings more well-being «We have to have dozens of contacts with whom we barely share anything real,» says the specialist.

Taking care of our friends when we have little time

If the important thing is the quality of our relationships, it is clear that we have to start taking care of them a little better.. And how can we do it? The expert leaves us with some essential and easy-to-apply keys, even if your schedule is a real mess.

• Daily microgestures. A short message, a two-minute audio, or a shared meme can be enough to say “I’m thinking of you.”
• Conscious agenda. Just as we reserve time for a meeting, we can schedule a 15-minute call or a quick coffee with a friend.
• Full presence. Even if it is only a short time, it is key to truly be in that moment, without a cell phone or distractions.

• Set your priorities. Define who your “shelter people” are and prioritize them.
• Create simple rituals. A weekly walk, a monthly dinner, a call on Sundays.
• Learn to say no. Taking care of friendships does not mean multiplying, but choosing who you want to share your energy with.
• Be constant. Remember that, like any relationship, friendship needs perseverance. It doesn’t take much, but it does take regularity.
• Share gestures of affection. Gestures of affection—a hug, a caress, even a self-hug—not only strengthen the bond, but also reduce stress, raise self-esteem, and strengthen the immune system.

Differentiate real links

One of the points that the expert recommends is, indeed, differentiating those relationships that we can consider quality from those that are merely superficial. Thus, the little time that If we have it, we can take advantage of it in those people who should be our priority.

To establish this classification, the expert recommends us to focus on “how we feel after the interaction.” And, he says, “an authentic relationship leaves calm, support and energy,” while “superficial ones can generate emptiness, comparison or indifference.”

The digital environment can make this differentiation difficult, but “even though we live surrounded by screens,” says Olga, “what nourishes us most are the links that allow us to look into each other’s eyes and feel truly seen.”

It is also possible that we have surrounded ourselves with people who consume our time and energy, and not with true friends, those who make up “our chosen family.”

“Sometimes we dedicate more energy to the people we have ‘closest at hand’ than to those who really matter to us,” explains the expert. “Psychology invites us to distinguish the so-called time thieves —relationships that drain without contributing—of friendship with a capital A, the one that sustains us and makes us grow. Prioritizing this “chosen family” allows us to take better care of authentic ties, even if it is with small gestures and little time,” he concludes.

Make new friends in adulthood

In case after this selection process you discover that you do not have friends that you can call “quality”, or that you feel that you need to meet new people, you face a big dilemma: Making friends in adulthood is not an easy task.

“In childhood it was enough to meet in a park, but in adult life we ​​need intentional spaces,” explains Olga Albaladejo. For this he recommends “sign up for courses, volunteering or activities related to our interests”, because “it facilitates contact.” According to the expert, “the key is to be open and take the first step: a smile, a question or an invitation can be the beginning of a new bond.”

It is also important to practice vulnerability without fear, because “showing ourselves imperfect and authentic creates closeness.” And when we share what we feel, instead of what we do, we begin to forge true relationships. “On the other hand,” concludes the psychologist, “If we limit ourselves to superficial or complaint-focused interactions, the relationship suffers.”