No matter how much some try to downplay its merit and relativize its importance, there are many of us who maintain that The family is not only the unquestionable and irreplaceable basis of any organized society.but also the environment in which the integral development of people takes place.

We all come from a family structure that “taught and conditioned” us what we think and believe about families.

Those of us who were lucky enough to be born into a functional family have grown up easier and better and we have registered inside us, in our memory, in our hearts and in every cell of our body, the image of the family model that can work.

But regardless of our previous experience, most of us intend, with more or less success, build for our loved ones a truly harmonious family and nutritious, under the guidance of parents who read with their children, talk with them and with each other, listen to them and understand them; They have happy moments when they are all together.

The functional families or nutritious, as he called them Virginia Satirthey are capable of cover the basic material and spiritual needs of its members. What conditions must it meet?

Works as a team

Its members are united, in addition to affection, by a common goal.ensure the well-being of each of them.

In a family, not everyone has the same capabilities and, consequently, the distribution of tasks, when necessary, should not be equitable but operational. It is about providing each person with what they need, asking them for the best of what they are best suited for. The aim is not, therefore, for everyone to contribute the same, but rather to find the best result.

Teamwork is the highest, most effective and satisfying level of interaction between people, and it always begins with fundamental learning: valuing, and even celebrating, differences.

Thus, Those who have more skills or experience also have greater responsibility when seeking the well-being of each of the other members. In fact, one of the most notable characteristics of a dysfunctional family is the disorder and confusion of individual roles within the family: parents who behave like children and children who are required to behave like adults.

Clear rules and regulations

As with any team, If I don’t know where I’m playing, my best chance of playing well goes away.. It is in these cases when the freshness, creativity, and transparency of childhood become dormant, leaving room for distribution of blameguaranteed failure, resentment and the ghost of contempt or feared ridicule.

The existence of clear generational boundaries (parents behaving like parents and children behaving like parents) is a norm in strong families. However, the iron submission to the traditional schemes of these roles could restrict personal fulfillment at times and individual growth of members.

In functional families there are rules that everyone knows and accepts, but they are flexible.

Plasticity avoids rigidity

A family constantly faces different situationsboth because of what happens around it and because of the changes that occur within it, even if these are only the inexorable growth of its members.

A family that functions in the same way today with teenage children as it did when they went to kindergarten has guaranteed problems.

Plasticity implies, in the broadest sense, the ability and preparation to adapt to changes.

Respect for individuality

Being a team does not mean forgetting that we are individual beings and that We have needs and desires for things, activities and connections that are, to a greater or lesser extent, outside the family. Desires that, a priori, others should encourage if they see that they bring happiness to that member (and not consider them a threat of disintegration).

When the family accepts personal spaces, they become a passport to the growth of the group.

In functional families, each member is different from the other and is not pressured so that he conforms, he is respected for his individuality and has the same value as a person as others.

In dysfunctional familiesmembers are not respected as unique individuals and of equal value to others, They are discouraged from trying to be different. and they are blamed and shamed, at the very least, for being “the weird one” in the family.

Communication as the axis

Inside and outside the family, communication is basic, not only as tool for conflict resolution and agreement constructionit is also the privileged way we have of create ties between us.

In functional families members are taught to develop honest and direct communication, and everyone is encouraged to express feelingsperceptions and needs.

Denial and deception prevail in dysfunctional families.authoritarianism and the hierarchical scale.

Trust as a foundation

The trust on which a family must be based is, simply, believe in the other. It is the conviction that if he tells me something, it is true (in the sense that he believes it so).

Some parents say: “I distrust because my son lies” and I invite them to think just the opposite: maybe he lies because you distrust. Otherwise, If you don’t want to be lied to, don’t lie.and less to save the image that your children have of you.

The presence and support

We could summarize this point in one sentence: “No matter what the problem is, you can always count on us because we are your family.”

The bonds are strengthened, more than anything, by the times shared, the passage of days, the routines, the supposedly insignificant things that are enjoyed in company.

Perhaps family is defined more than any other bond by the fact that We share everyday life.

Take care of self-esteem

Good family self-esteem not only consists of that everyone feels valuable to be who they are inside and outside that environment, but also that the family is strengthened, proud, by the bgood opinion that each of its members has of it as a human group.

Needless to say, this It is only viable if it originates from a good self-esteem of dad and mom. and in an excellent bond between them as a couple.

“Only two lasting legacies can we leave our children: roots and wings.” Hodding Carter

And in the center, love

Love, understood here as joy for existence and the determined commitment to achieving the well-being of each one of my relatives. Love as a deep satisfaction that the other works to be the best version of themselves they can.

love like supreme willingness to accept the other as they arewithout wanting to change it so that it is as it would suit me.

Give all the love you have and be open to receiving that of others. If within a family we manage to love each other like this, it is very likely that we will be in the best of places to develop all the other keys that have been talked about here and that the future presents to us.