Human beings sometimes find it difficult to accept changes. that life proposes, as well as the obstacles and conflicts that cross its path.

In front of them, it is easy to get stuck and stay stuck in the complaint of what was desired and could not be, of what was lost or was not received. We then reproach and complain to the universe again and again, as if it were governed by our same sense of justice.

It is difficult to muster the courage to surrender to that which is greater and more powerful. until you come to accept the reality, the situation. But life does not interrupt its course for that reason nor does it stop surprising us with new twists and turns.

The burden of judging

The human being does not have power to decide most crucial events of his existence, such as the country in which he is born, the time in which he lives, the body and intellectual potential he has, the parents and other people with whom he grows up, who he falls in love with or who will love him.

Lamenting or rebelling about it means a sterile fight that only prolongs the suffering. Instead, accept realitywith all the hardness and greatness that make it up, allows open up to find a new path.

It is often said that what one resists persists, and what one accepts transforms. The more you fight, complain and reproach, the more the bond grows. with what is being rejected.

However, when opposition ceases and acceptance appears, action becomes simplefluent, friendly and confident.

But how to accept? Acceptance arises from an attitude similar to that developed during meditationwhen thoughts are contemplated without identifying with them.

It consists of abandon the habit of judging as good or bad, right or wrong, everything that happens, both outside and inside oneself, because life moves beyond these labels.

As proposed by Lou Marinoff in More Plato and less Prozac: «When you set out to define the problem you face, try to find out what is happening without passing judgment. You will be contemplating what philosophers call ‘phenomena’, that is, events external to you, facts that exist independently of your beliefs, feelings or desires about them.»

Learn from situations

It is difficult to overcome the inertia of engaging in judgment, but when the ability to create that space, that silence beyond «should be»you can begin to perceive the world as it already is stop being a victim of situations to become their disciple.

Acceptance is the mechanism that connects each person with the resources available to them to adapt to circumstances, like the reed that moves with the wind without breaking.

It may help to keep in mind that some misfortunes bring with them a seed or a hidden gift that becomes visible over time. How many people, after suffering a life-threatening illness, greatly appreciate the lesson that experience meant!

It would be useful to ask if it is possible experience what is happening differently. The death of an elderly and weakened person, for example, although it entails mourning, can imply liberation for them and those close to them.

Deepak Choprain his book The seven spiritual laws of successdescribes the call «Law of Distancing»according to which, to obtain anything in the physical universe, you must first give up clinging to it:

«The need to cling arises from fear and insecurity, but the search for security is an illusion. Give up clinging to the known: If you enter the unknown, you will enter the field of all possibilities. In the unknown, you will find the wisdom of uncertainty, where liberation from the past and old conditioning occurs. It is the field of all possibilities, where we release ourselves to the creative mind that directs the dance of the universe.»

All of this means not only giving up many pre-established ideas about oneself, others and the world, but also understanding that The pleasure of living cannot be embraced without also embracing the pain of existing.. Loneliness, illness, old age and death are part of existence.

Viktor Frankl speaks of the maturational value of accepted suffering, of meaning that can be found in suffering for the lessons it brings.

Acceptance connects each person with their resources to adapt to circumstances, like the reed that moves with the wind without breaking.

The breaking of the old cube

But it should be noted that genuine pain is much less common than you think and that much of the suffering is the result of a kind of tantrum when reality does not adjust to our will and expectations.

«Where we force ourselves, get stuck and suffer, there is one’s own egowho always manages not to accept reality and manipulates, calculates, makes assumptions, worries, tries to control, clings… instead of letting go and trusting, instead of allowing everything to flow, creating space and opening up to receive the new,» writes Belart Ascension.

It is said that Chiyonoa Zen nun who was a student of Master Bukkó, practiced meditation patiently for thirty years without obtaining the fruits he was looking for.

A full moon night, like so many others, Chiyokô carried water in an old bucket patched bamboo and the moon was reflected on the surface of the water. The nun looked at herthinking about the reflections and the source from which they come.

Then the rope brokethe bucket fell and broke the bottom and the water ran across the floor. It is said that At that moment Chiyokô achieved enlightenment. To celebrate, he wrote this poem: «For a long time I have carried this old bucket / whose bamboo staves were breaking. / Until the bucket collapsed. / Now, there is no water in the bucket! / There is no moon in the water! / Only the void in my hand.»

It is the magic of acceptance: it extinguishes the fight, breaks down old molds, heals and allows change.

The same thing happens in any process of personal growth: It is impossible to continue moving forward while denying a part of yourself. People can be accepted unconditionally or accepted only if a series of conditions are met. conditionssuch as: «be a successful person», «be a serene person», «not be afraid»…

But what happens when these requirements cannot be met based on the circumstances? Anxiety, depression, maybe even illness appear.

And even when those conditions are achieved,what price will have to be paid to fulfill them? How much effort and demand will be necessary?

The hidden perfection

The search for perfection in oneself and in others can hide a ideal of superiority and omnipotence that encourages dissatisfaction. However, when the perfect is humbly renounced, then it is possible embrace the greatness of the small and surrender more strongly to the pleasure of living.

He told me Jorge Bucayin an interview for Bodymente, which the enormous energy that is invested in hiding The barrel where everything that is rejected and ashamed is kept cannot be used for other things and prevents enjoyment of life and more authentic relationships: «To be able to release the ballast from the barrel, the first step is to understand that it is not about hiding it deeper or putting more stones to bury it, but about let it come to the surface. The second step is to believe yourself valuable enough to say to yourself: I will be able to love myself regardless of the contents of the barrel.

Look at our children, our partner, our parents and ourselves, feeling that they are perfect just the way they are, saying: «I love you exactly as you are without needing to change anything»produces miraculous effects on others and on oneself.

Life is a continuous process of acceptances and a permanent dialogue with reality. You can choose to fight and try to prevail against it; or navigate through it smiling at what it brings, bow down to its mystery and its incommensurability, learning to see problems as friends and not as burdens, being disciples rather than victims or inquisitors of a greater universe, which perhaps has a specific purpose.

As it says Hermann Hesse in Demian: «I was a project of nature, a project towards the unknown, perhaps towards the new, perhaps towards nothingness and my mission, my only mission was to let that project that was springing from the depths be realized, to feel its will in me and to identify with it completely.»

The challenge of loving what happens

Byron Katieauthor of love what is (Ed. Urano), remember that To accept reality, the first thing is to focus on yourself.

You suffer when you take a thought as true that is at odds with what is. So, you might ask yourself: «What would I be without that thought? How would I feel if I didn’t have it?»

When faced with a misfortune, explanations are desperately sought. But, as he concludes Harold S. Kushner in When bad things happen to good people (The Books of the Beginning), things often happen without an explanation that may serve as a consolation.

Accepting reality is accepting that what is immutable is mutation, that neither good nor bad remains. That is why it is not advisable to become overly attached to good things.

5 exercises to feel better about yourself

• Accept others. Spend a day giving yourself and the people around you permission to be as they are without imposing any idea of ​​how things should be or seeking a forced solution.
• Feel the force of life. Close your eyes and imagine that you are in front of your parents, that behind them are their parents, behind them are their parents, then the parents of the latter… While you see all your ancestors, sense a mysterious force – the force of life – that through these generations has reached you. When you feel it, lower your head. Then, turn around and, leaning with your back on your parents, look towards your children and the life that remains to come through you.

• Learn to flow. Imagine that you are on the bank of a river and you get on a raft to navigate it. First the raft is tied to a tree with a rope, but little by little you release the rope and let the raft be carried by the current. Open your eyes if fear appears and close them again to open yourself as much as you can to the experience of going down the current without exercising any control over the direction the raft takes or its speed.
• Free yourself from judgments. The judgment of others is one of the main obstacles to accepting things. Close your eyes and while thoughts flow without paying attention to them, let this phrase appear: «I free myself from the judgment of others.» Feel it as you repeat it over and over. Contemplate each of his words and enjoy the feeling of living more in accordance with your inner desires.
• Cultivate compassion. All human beings strive to be happy and at the same time suffer. Suffering is everyone’s evil. Keeping this in mind helps develop the compassion that allows acceptance even of those who have hurt us the most.

Books to learn to accept yourself

• Live and love in the soul; Joan Garriga, Rigden Gestalt Institute
• Self-esteem practices; Christophe André, Ed. Kairós
• A journey towards…