Have you ever felt like your story is already written? That you can’t change anything that happens to you, because it is written that it will be so? What are you, just a victim of circumstances? It has happened to all of us at some point.
We think that what we experienced in childhood, the wounds that others caused us or the failures we accumulated outweigh any desire for change. But here’s the secret: The human being can always adapt, he can always change.
This was confirmed by the father of existentialism, Jean-Paul Sartrefor which freedom did not depend on perfect life circumstances, but on how we decide to live with what we carry on our backs. Our ability to choose, our freedom, begins precisely there. Because for Sartre «happiness is not doing what one wants, but wanting what one does.»
true happiness
Jean-Paul Sartre did not believe in destiny, nor in reassuring excuses. For him, freedom was a radical and immovable principle. It doesn’t depend on what happens to you, but on what you do with it. And that freedom is what will lead you to happiness, which, in the end, is nothing more than enjoying what you do.
As a key figure of existentialism, He defended that human beings are condemned to be freeeven when we don’t want it. That is, we always have the responsibility to decide, even if it is to react to what is beyond our control.
And that is what he was referring to when he said these two phrases: “freedom is what you do with what has been done to you” and “happiness is not doing what you want, but wanting what you do.” Because for Sartre, we are not solely a product of our circumstances.
Our Choices, Even the Smallest, Matter. And it’s not about denying the pain, it’s about feeling it and, even knowing that sometimes life hurts, not letting go of the helm. Instead of remaining in the role of victims, Sartre invites us to become authors of a response that honors us.
The wound that sets you free
Are we free if the wounds we carry condition our actions? This is the big question hidden behind Sartre’s quote. Because what we have experienced in the past inevitably conditions us. It does so when we act out of fear, habit or hurt.
But choosing from there is still choosing. That is why the existentialist’s proposal is so uncomfortable. Because it reminds us that, Even in the midst of the hardest moment of our lives, we still have a margin of action.
Another example of this is Viktor Frank, psychiatrist and Auschwitz survivor, who expressed it this way in The man in search of meaning: “Everything can be taken from a human being, except one thing: the last of human freedoms, the choice of personal attitude in the face of a set of circumstances.”
From contemporary psychology, Sartre’s idea has permeated and we know that response capacity is closely linked to resilience. Neuroscience has shown that the brain is plastic. That is to say, that can transform throughout life.
So even if we come from hostile environments, even if we have been made to believe that we are worthless, we have the ability to build new internal narratives and new habits.
Exercise freedom
Even if we know that we are free, even if we internalize messages like that of Sartre or Frankl, we may still not exercise that freedom. Because doing so means becoming aware that our decisions have weight and impact, both in ourselves and in others. And sometimes, that freedom means leaving a relationship that is no longer good for us.
Other times that freedom asks us to speak out loud when we have been told to remain silent all our lives. Or simply, it leads us to choose with love that which our fears want to prevent us from.
But being free is not something simple. In fact, Sartre did not idealize this freedom, he knew it was distressing. Because choosing ourselves over ourselves leaves us without alibis. But it also makes us more human, helps us live authenticallyto not hide behind our past. And it is key to achieving happiness, which for Sartre was loving what one does.
It is true that many times we repeat patterns without realizing it, that the body has memory and that psychological wounds influence our decisions. But it is also true that we can learn to choose something different. To stop, breathe and ask ourselves: do I choose this or do my wounds choose it? What would I do if I trusted myself?
Three ways to exercise your personal freedom
When you dare to assume that you are free, that you can really decide to no longer choose from the wound and empower yourself with your life, you will have to begin a long process of change. Because instant “clicks” do not exist. And to do so, we recommend starting with things as simple as:
- Change an automatic response. Think about a situation that normally triggers you, and instead of reacting as usual, try a new, consciously considered response. For example, if you tend to respond defensively when someone criticizes you, prepare a conscious alternative response, such as saying, “You might be right, I’m going to look into it.”
- Write a letter to the person who hurt you. You don’t have to send it, the goal is simply to get rid of the labels it assigned to you. You don’t have to justify anything, or take revenge, just write your truth. How did it affect you? What limiting belief did it leave in you? These questions will help you become aware of what your wounds are, so that you learn to clearly differentiate them from your identity. You are not what they made you.
- Choose an action consistent with yourself. What would you do today if you could build a freer, more alive and peaceful version of yourself? If you knew that whatever you did, it was going to turn out well, what would you try to do? Once you locate it, do it. Don’t wait for permission or for others to tell you who you are. Freedom is built with everyday acts that bring you closer to your essence.
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