Despite the extension of life expectancy and the fact that Every time you reach old age in better physical and mental condition, There is a time when our parents cannot take care of themselves.

From then on we must consider a change in the way of living, since whatever the chosen option (admission to a residence, find a caregiver or dedicate oneself to their care)the responsibility we face, the unforeseen events that may arise and the decisions that will have to be made will take away our energy and freedom.

In addition to practical issues A situation arises that puts our emotions and feelings in check.

It’s about our parents and The type of relationship we have maintained with them throughout life will determine the degree of involvement. that we adopt: those families in which mutual help has reigned will be more prepared to face that moment than those others in which disagreements have been a constant.

Are you a dependent person?

A person is dependent when they significantly lose their functional autonomy. and their abilities, with the consequent feeling of fragility. That’s when needs the help of others to be able to get by in multiple daily actions.

The dependence on an elderly person may be due to different causes:

physical deterioration

He organic aging entails a decreased psychomotor skills and resistance, and the appearance of chronic diseases such as osteoarthritis, arthritis, osteoporosis, etc.

Likewise, it is necessary to take into account the sensory declinewith loss of vision or hearing, which limit the relationship with the environment.

On the other hand, the high drug consumption For the treatment of various diseases, it is necessary to control them and monitor side effects.

Psychic disorders

The cognitive disorders typical of the different dementias and of the vascular accidents make people progressively unable to continue living alone: ​​the memory leakthe disorientationdifficulties in recognition, etc. They place them in a life-threatening situation.

The personality disorders and the different forms of depression They must also be valued.

Environmental causes

Even though you are in good health, The quality of life can deteriorate if the home is not adapted for this stage of life.

The proximity or distance from family members, health centers, etc.. may require a decision to prevent risks.

How to deal with parenting

Elder care can last for years and not all people are prepared to face such a task.

The attention they require They involve endless responsibilities, a lot of time and a lot of effort. which are added to those demanded by one’s own personal life.

Before making a decision There should be a consensus between the different members of the family to seek collaboration of those who are able and willing to do so.

In planning, the degree of involvement must be assessed of each person, the specific tasks that they will be in charge of, the organization of a schedule and calendar, etc.

These cares will disrupt daily lifesince much of the energy that was previously dedicated to the family will be transferred to the person cared for.

In order not to reach a critical situation, if you have a partner, it is advisable to talk to them about how organize domestic life, thinking about how the new situation may affectseeking your complicity and understanding, and always reserving time for life together.

This same Dialogue must be maintained with potential childrenspeaking clearly about the grandparents’ situation, their current needs, their feelings and ours, and informing them how decisions may affect them that they are taken.

It is very important to think where the elderly person is going to live: if you are going to stay at home, if you are going to spend some time at each child’s house… We will have to see the space that each one has in their home and think about possible changes to adapt to the needs of that person. You may have to remove a bathtub, put supports in the shower, railings on the stairs, etc.

In addition all medical information will have to be collected needs, knowing the professionals who care for them, organizing medication, etc. On the other hand, social workers from health centers or the municipality report on the help they can receivesince the current Dependency Law provides economic, professional and assistance resources to people who require it.

It is also worth visiting some residential centers that can be used at specific times: weekends, holidays, possible convalescence after some intervention…

With good logistics organization, all people involved will gain peace of mind and surprises will be avoided.

How to accept new responsibility

The best thing for everything to go well is not to consider the care of an elderly person as a job. It can become an obligation as a result of a responsible decision and the love we owe them, but it should not be a professional routine.

This situation must be approached as one more moment of life and continue seeing the person cared for as the family member they are and not as a dependent and complaining patient.

One has to change habits so that the attention that the cared for person deserves becomes part of a new lifestyle and not forget that, just as happens with children, surround all this care with affection and affection It is much more rewarding for everyone and makes the work and health of the person in our care easier.

The decision to care for an elderly person should be considered a gesture of love, gratitude and responsibility: our parents have taken care of us and possibly also our own children; Now it’s our turn to take care of them.

Despite the disappointments What this decision can entail, seeing up close the deterioration and aging of loved ones, and despite how difficult and unpleasant the work often is, The experience can be very satisfying and comforting.

For the elderly, their state of dependency is not pleasant either. and it can take a toll on your self-esteem, which affects your entire emotional life.

It must also be taken into account that they don’t always behave the same: sometimes they want to be cured and carry their old age with dignity, trying to help in every way possible; Others would prefer to «disappear» so as not to become a burden, but may also manipulate caregivers to obtain their undivided attention.

In any case, as a general rule It is convenient:

• Adopt an empathetic attitude towards them, trying to understand them and putting oneself in their place.
• Talk to them and treat them affectionately both with words and through physical contact.
• Promote your autonomy as far as possible, making them responsible for what they can do for themselves, so that we do not overload them with tasks and so that they continue to feel useful.
• Respect your privacyensuring that issues such as bathing, changing diapers, etc. be done in the most reserved way possible.
• Make sure they come out to the street, walk with them and, if possible, continue to have a certain social life, facilitating relationships with others family and friends.

Different options for caring for elderly relatives

When they decide to take care of their families, many people do not know the different social and health aid to which they are entitled.

Although they are not always easy to obtain and many times we will find ourselves entangled in a true bureaucratic morass, it is worth taking into account some of these benefits:

• Home assistance. There are different types of help, such as family workers who can help with household chores and cleaning the dependent person, or home health care programs for chronically ill people who need palliative care.
• financial aid. In addition to the different pensions that the elderly person may receive, certain supplements can also be claimed to deal with the economic consequences of dependency.
• Telecare. This is a telephone service that allows you to quickly contact a center 24 hours a day, just by pressing a pendant or a device near the telephone. The responsible person immediately contacts the user to hear what is happening and immediately assist them in case of emergency or inform family members.
• day centers. They are specially designed for people who are not excessively dependent or who suffer from some type of dementia. They consist of a home pick-up service and service until mid-afternoon. These centers allow family members to continue leading their work lives and attending to their other daily obligations and for the elderly to be well cared for for most of the day.
• Residences. In certain situations, whether due to the condition of the elderly person or the inability of the family to care for them, it may be necessary to admit them to a more or less assisted nursing home.
  The feeling of abandonment that is usually linked to this decision must be demystified because sometimes it is the best for everyone. Furthermore, in some autonomous communities and town councils there are programs to download family homework and allow temporary entry of the elderly in a public residence. If you want to take a vacation or have a free weekend, you can also opt for a private center.

The caregiver must take care of himself

It is very good to make the decision to care for an elderly family member, but At no time should the caregiver forget themselves or their surroundings.

There are many people who With the passage of time, sometimes years, their physical and mental health declines.: they suffer from a greater number of diseases, experience feelings of sadness, loneliness, misunderstanding, symptoms of depression or anxiety, etc.

All this is usually due to the fact that They have increasingly focused on this care and have been neglecting themselves, their family and friends..

These are some tips that must be taken into account to take care of yourself and in this way be able to continue providing help:

• Set limits. It is important to learn to set limits on care and attention, and know how to say «no» in time so that the person being cared for does not lead to abuse.
• Organization. Good time planning during the day allows you to carry out the necessary tasks with greater peace of mind.
• Sleep. It is important to try to sleep well and for enough time. If the elderly person needs some care during the night and you have been caring for them all day, you must ask for the help of another family member.
• Practice exercise. You should try to exercise since on the one hand it allows you to release tension and, on the other hand, it also helps to stay in shape to be able to mobilize the elderly if required.
• Social life. It is advisable not to stay locked up at home and continue seeing friends, going for a walk, having fun, etc. To be able to do this, it is necessary that other family members be able to take the person being cared for to their home on some weekends or take charge…