There are many ways to start oversometimes we do it pushed by life – when, for example, we are fired from a job or go through a divorce – and other times by our own decision. In both cases there is usually resistance and fears that can complicate the transitionbut in the first it is more common that there is a period of denial of reality. We can feel like victims of circumstances and find it difficult to turn the page. He mourning for what we left behind it can be more complicated.
On the other hand, when the new beginning has been desired and soughtcan become a moment full of magic and joy, like when we open a notebook and before us we have the entire page of blank paper to write the first word. Although we fear making mistakes and smearing the paper, it is exciting. We feel more owners of our existence and the rhythm that we are going to set for make change happen. We are exercising our freedom as individuals by taking a new turn in our lives, and this is empowering.
1. Measure your own strength
A little over a year ago, my daughter decided to move to Holland to start a new job from scratch. There was fear, but also the desire to test herself, to explore everything she might be able to do on her own. He left his comfort zone driven by curiosity – a form of joy – at what she could find.
Recovering this feeling, typical of the explorer, helps us to transform fears into illusion and to focus on how to move forward, rather than on what we have lost.
2. Close the previous stage well
If you look back, How many times have you started a new chapter in your life? What have these experiences taught you? Although each beginning is unique, there are certain ingredients that can help us to better master the art of starting over. The first is to learn to close well the stage we left behind.
Celebrate a ritual It will help our unconscious to say goodbye, to renounce, to thank and honor what we have experienced so far, as well as to prepare to receive with a more open heart what is to come. We can organize a party to be accompanied in this significant moment or opt for something intimate, like writing a letter, taking stock of the stage that we now have to abandon.
3. Live the transition with full awareness
Until the new settles in we will live a transition period during which we will move into unknown terrain. The old and deep-rooted customs will have disappeared – schedules, landscapes, people who accompanied us, etc. – and we will feel misplaced, lost.
We will be in a context in which we will have to learn new rules and develop different functions. We can be prey to many ups and downs and we will tend to fill this kind of «limbo» with excessively optimistic fantasies or, on the contrary, see only the difficulties and the bad that lurks around the corner. As neuroscientist Mariano Sigman says, «the brain tries to guess all the timeand we follow those riddles. But many times, inevitably, these hasty conclusions are wrong.».
Each person will face this desert journey according to their personality. Some will do it by paralyzing themselves and others, however, acting hastily so as not to give themselves permission to feel vulnerable.
The ideal in these situations would be to question our «conclusions» and counteract them by discussing them with trusted people until we find a middle point between these two extremes.
It is about live the transition with awarenessto manage, rather than control, to move forward despite fear and to practice kindness towards ourselves.
Need adapt to the situation. We are forming a new identity and we will have to wait until the butterfly can completely break the chrysalis. We cannot demand that everything turns out right the first time, because we are learning and there is no learning without mistakes.
4. Create your own compass
Set a course It will help refocus us when we become unbalanced. It can be the lighthouse that illuminates the darkness, as well as repeating to ourselves the “mantra” that gives meaning to our journey and summarizes why we do what we do.
My daughter’s was that, whatever the outcome of her adventure, she didn’t want to regret not having risked the experience of living in another country.
What could be yours? We cannot forget that Starting from scratch is a way to discover more about ourselvesto go beyond what we thought were our limits and to expand our resources. Starting from scratch is evolving and growing.
5. Make a plan with small goals to achieve
Another element that can provide us with security to move forward will be to draw a plan that divides our path into small goals and stick to it when we are lost, also being aware that it may be insufficient.
«The question is imagine a destinationalthough later the path takes you to another, because we must always be open to improvise. People believe that a jazz band improvises out of order, but the improvisation is done from a piece. In his improvisation there is an underlying order», say Anna Forés and Jordi Grané, authors of the book on regenerative resilience The ugly ducklings and the black swans (Current Platform Ed.).
6. Focus on what you can win
What to do when faced with the discouragement that may appear? «When we feel afraid of the unknown, danger or simple uncertainty, the first of the strategies we could use would be to not focus on what we can lose, but on what we can gain», reminds us the author of Reinvent yourselfMario Alonso Puig.
It will also allow us to regain confidence keep a list of previous achievements on hand to review it when we doubt our abilities; visualize the sensation we are going to experience when we have reached our goal or simply try to savor the sensations that the new brings us what is happening in our lives (new landscapes, people, self-knowledge…).
7. Place yourself in the here and now
Another effective measure in uncertain times is return to the here and now asking ourselves: What can I do right now to feel better: go for a walk, take a bath…?
«When you face your demon, stop thinking and reacting and start by finding your center. Then resonate with the questions: What resources can help you? What do you need to face that difficult future? Every hero’s journey requires courage and fierceness», conclude Stephen Gilligan and Robert Dilts in The hero’s journey. A path of self-discovery (Ed. Rigden).
8. Set goals
Even if you only have a few convictions about where to go, they will help you move forward. You can start with the easiest goals to gain confidence. Define them positively and set a date to meet them.
Discard the beliefs that limit you and prevent you from moving forward. Look for cases that contradict them (people who start a new profession after 50, who have found love…). Every new day offers us the opportunity to improve.
9. Believe in yourself and in life
Even if it was not you who decided the change, don’t waste energy fighting with the past and turn the push into an opportunity to renew your life. List the positive points that it can bring for you and build, taking care of yourself.
Especially in the most difficult moments, it will help you think that you are on this path for a reason, even if you don’t see it yet. Believe that what you are experiencing is a learning process It will take you to a better place than you were.
10. Be flexible and patient
Starting from scratch implies exploring and exploring new territory, so our mind needs a period of adaptation, giving up preconceived ideas and being open to rectifying and integrating new ways of functioning.
11. Write a diary
As if you were the captain of a ship, spend some time reviewing what the journey has brought you. writing a diary. It will help you put clarity in your mindto express your emotions, to gain perspective and discover new personal resources.