“There is something that after thirty years of consulting, I can affirm without hesitation,” Walter Riso begins one of the many videos he shares on social networks, “the majority of people look for a psychologist to tell them what they want to hear, not what they need to understand.”

In his many years of experience he has understood two truths. This was the first. The second is that after 40, people do not go to therapy looking to fix their lives. ““They come looking for tools to fend for themselves”explains the internationally famous psychologist.

And these transformative truths, Riso assures, can be found in Epictetus, who despite being born a slave “became one of the freest men of his time.” Among his phrases, the expert explains, we find great truths about “the functioning of the human mind,” which coincide “in a disturbing way with what we know today about neuroplasticity, cognitive therapy and emotional regulation.” These are its nine lessons.

What affects you is not what happens

That is the first quote that Riso, paraphrasing the philosopher, includes in his video: “What affects you is not what happens, but how you interpret what happens.”

As the expert explains, this reflection is important because “Your brain doesn’t process raw facts, it processes interpretations. And these interpretations are built on beliefs that for the most part you have never consciously questioned.” Thus, this phrase can become “a powerful tool that can transform your emotional life if you apply it consciously.”

To put it into practice, Walter Riso advises: “The next time something bothers you, ask yourself three questions. What exactly am I thinking about this? Is this idea completely true? Does it protect me or hurt me to think like that?”

Focus on what is under your control

As a good Stoic, Epictetus thought it was important focus on what we can control, getting rid of the rest. This is what the following phrase from the philosopher that Walter Riso rescues says. “It sounds obvious until you really examine it,” says the expert, “most people spend 80% of their emotional energy trying to control things that are completely out of their reach.”

In the pure style of the philosophers of the stolethe psychologist recommends that we divide everything that worries us into two columns, clearly separating what is in our power from what does not depend on us.

Your desires enslave you

Epictetus knew what freedom was, and also what it was like to not have it. And that is why, as Riso paraphrases, the philosopher thought that “You become free not by satisfying your desires, but by not depending on them.”

“We live in a culture that constantly tells you that you are what you get, what you possess, what others think of you,” explains the expert in his video. “But real emotional freedom works exactly the other way around.”. You are freer the less you need to feel complete.”

Accept what life brings

We are used to the idea that we can (and should) ask life (or God) for what we want. What we need. But Epictetus, like other great Stoics, understood that this was of no use. “Accept what life brings and transform adversity into emotional training,” paraphrases Riso.

The expert clarifies that with this quote we are not talking about “passive resignation or becoming an emotional doormat,” but rather about something much more sophisticated: “The ability not to add unnecessary suffering to the inevitable pain of life.”Because, inspired by Buddhist philosophy, Riso reminds us that “there is a fundamental difference between pain and suffering. Pain is what life does to you. Suffering is what you do to the pain.”

Beginner of good

“We are obsessed with competition, with being the best, with not making mistakes,” explains Walter Riso. And that is exactly what another of Epictetus’s phrases combats, which he paraphrases saying: “being a beginner in what is good is better than being an expert in what is destructive.”

“Mature self-esteem does not depend on being perfect”Riso assures, «it depends on being authentic. And authenticity often requires the humility of being a beginner.»

There is no freedom without dominion

“There is no real freedom without personal dominion”, Riso lists in his list, speaking of this Stoic principle as the “most radical of all.”

“When I talk about personal mastery, I am not referring to rigid or self-punitive discipline,” explains the psychologist. “I mean the ability to consciously choose your response instead of reacting automatically.”«And the thing is, if we are not able to control what we can control, we cannot exercise our authentic freedom.

Adversity does not define you, it exposes you

The following Stoic concept that the psychologist exposes could be defined with this phrase from Epictetus: “Adversity does not define you, it exposes you”.

For Riso, this is a truth that he has understood in his years as a therapist. And although there is a widespread belief “that difficult circumstances change people”, the truth is that these “they don’t change people, they reveal them”.

“When life puts you under pressure you don’t become someone different.”you become a more authentic version of who you already are«, says the psychologist.

Talk less about your values

It’s not that talking about your values ​​is wrong, far from it. But without a doubt it is worth applying that «preach by example» and listening to Epictetus when he said “Talk less about your values ​​and live by them more.”

And, as Walter Riso reminds us, “there is a huge difference between proclaiming your values ​​and embodying them.” It is essential to understand this, because, the expert continues, “the coherence between what you think, what you say and what you do is not only an ethical issue. It’s a mental health issue. When there is a discrepancy between your internal speech and your actions, you generate what in psychology we call cognitive dissonance.”

Imagine living as if nothing external could affect you

The last lesson that Riso rescues from the teachings of Epictetus is summarized in this phrase: “Imagine living as if nothing external could touch your inner peace,” recalls the psychologist. And no, it does not talk about “turning into an emotional stone or disconnecting from others”, but about “develop emotional autonomy.”

That is to say, “the ability to maintain your inner balanceregardless of external turbulence.» Because «when you develop your emotional autonomy,» reveals the expert, «you have access to a stability that does not depend on external variables.»

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