Self-esteem can be understood as the way we relate to ourselves or, in other words, how we see ourselves, understand ourselves and love ourselves. Possess healthy self-esteem is a guarantee of balance and mental health.

On the contrary, if our self-esteem is damaged, this fact predisposes us to suffer various emotional problemssuch as depression, insecurity, anxiety attacks, physical problems, somatisms, etc. We could say that self-esteem forms the foundations that support our personality.

Recognize if we have weak self-esteem and vulnerable can help us identify aspects of our personality that we should work on. But this is not a simple task, since damaged self-esteem can have multiple manifestations, some clearer, but others not so obvious to distinguish.

How to recognize low self-esteem

To assist in this task of recognize low self-esteem (in ourselves or in those we know), I have compiled phrases and characteristics that, throughout my extensive professional experience as a psychologist, I have observed how they were repeated over and over again by the people who came to my consultation.

I propose an exercise that I do in my office when we work on someone’s self-esteem. Print the following list and mark the phrases with which you identify (if you identify with any).

Abuses in social relationships

• Others think of me as a kind person, a good friend and always ready for anything.
• I never complain, I never protest, I always agree.
• I don’t speak so as not to disturb.
• I rarely give my opinion on any topic.
• I put the needs of others before my own.
• I always adapt to what the group decides.
• What others say is right, maybe I’m wrong.
• If they walk away from me, it’s because I have done something wrong.
• People don’t talk to me because there is something wrong with me.
• Huge concern for what others think.
• I prefer to keep a defective product rather than ask for it to be exchanged.
• I doubt myself and my instinct.
• If I don’t like something or someone offends me, I prefer to keep quiet.
• I have broken up, but my ex touches my ass every time we see each other.

Negative view of oneself

• I blame myself for everything bad that happens and I don’t value any of the good that I do.
• Pessimistic assessment of life and themselves.
• I won’t be able to. I’m sure I fail.
• If something goes well, the credit goes to the group. If something goes wrong, it’s my fault.
• If someone looks at me on the street, I think it’s because I’m fat.

with the children

• I am unable to defend my son when others (family, school, etc.) attack or harass him.
• I do not take on the task that being a mother/father entails.
• I let my two year old son bite me.
• I give children adult responsibilities, which do not belong to them.
• I ask my daughter if I should change jobs.

Self-boycott of the life project

• I have many ideas, but I never carry them out.
• I have a hard time starting something new.
• Fear of failure. In order not to fail, I do nothing.

Need to attract attention

• I speak loudly, I have a booming laugh, I can’t stop telling jokes.
• I am the queen of the party, I sing in all the karaokes.
• I think about everything, even if I have no idea.
• Everyone has to pay attention to me and I get angry when someone doesn’t.
• I go out with the popular boy, even though I don’t like him, because I feel important when I go with him.

If you have recognized yourself in some of these phrasesyou have already begun to walk the path towards your healing.

Search your past for causes of your low self-esteemwork so that they do not continue to affect you and to love yourself again as you really deserve. Also, work hard to regain decision-making power over your actions and your present life.

Remember, as I always comment on this blog, that you are the architect of your liberation. Trust yourself.

I know this is hard work, but it’s worth it. Your freedom awaits you on the other side of the road.