Pride is a self-conscious feelinggives meaning to the «I», and has to do with attributions and evaluations of oneself with respect to others. You can have a very valuable positive aspectand another very destructive negative.

Shielding self-esteem

From the most favorable point of view, pride is related to the idea of satisfaction with oneself and one’s own actions, self-esteem and self-confidence. It is the deep satisfaction of an achievement as a result of working hard and helps us feel secure in what we do.

We can also feel pride towards another person. In that case, the admiration, respect and appreciation.

Pride in a positive sense also represents self-affirmation as a groupto highlight the feeling of belonging and claim rights as a collective.

This more constructive pride contributes to increase self confidenceand therefore, encourages empathy towards others.

The bulletproof vest of criticism

He more negative pridewhich can even be destructive, is more associated with pride and hostility.

Although each case is different, behind pride there is usually a great inferiority complex. The use of arrogance disguises a false oversized self-esteem behind which a person can hide. constant fear of being hurt. Every criticism, every different opinion, is experienced as a threat to personal identity.

As a metaphor maybe it can help you see the person with this destructive pride as a wounded childwho was not validated and who somehow received a lot of criticism for what he did, said or thought. That child was filled with anger, rage, for that lack of an approving look. All that arrogance, arrogance and hostility are nothing more than their defense mechanisms.

Continuously comparing yourself, defending yourself, criticizing others to appear better, is motivated by the inferiority complex that, in the medium-long term, wears you down and creates a great base of unhappiness. The way to defend your fragile identity is through vanitymaking ostentatious displays of their achievements, their merits…

How is arrogance and pride expressed?

In the person with destructive pride, humility is conspicuous by its absence and, in its place, there is contempt for those considered inferior. In his superiority, he believes he deserves better treatment and privileges.

It also has a great inability to self-criticize and takes criticism poorly because he does not recognize errors. Success, prestige and image in the eyes of others is essential.

He does not show the slightest interest in understanding the motivations of others or what the people around him feel. He is very self-referential, he can talk excessively, but only what interests you.

Likewise, negative pride can exacerbate prejudices against groups designated as inferior or dangerous.

How to deal with the pride and arrogance of others?

Pride manifests the desire to be the favorite in front of otherswhich sometimes makes it seem like he lives in a distorted reality that prevents him from seeing and recognizing his limitations. The proud they understand humility as a weaknesswhen in reality it is an attitude that allows us to be flexible and receptive in order to learn what we do not know.

Dealing with people with a high degree of vanity and pride puts us in a position in which our self-esteem and assertiveness constantly shake. Listening to constant criticism, belittling, and demands makes conflict almost inevitable.

Learn to deal with it and protect ourselves It is a priority and these ideas can help you do it:

• Visualize the person as a weak being that he has no other tools to defend his wounded ego. This will help you not personalize the criticism on yourself. He thinks it’s more of his defect than yours.
• Pride is insatiable, it takes for granted that nothing will be enough. Try not to get carried away by their excess expectations.
• If you enter the rivalry, you have the chance to lose. Be professional, but keeping in mind that success and achievement are not equally important to you and that you have other priorities in your life that also contribute to your happiness.
• Keep in mind the limits that you are not going to allow them to transgress, let them know and act accordingly: leave the conversation, leave the room… Don’t let yourself be subjugated.
• Arrogant people often arouse anger and are used to dealing with it. Treating them in a pleasant and polite way surprises themand that will be your best asset. Be careful, don’t confuse being nice with being submissive.
• Train an assertive communication style. Try to avoid outright criticism of the person, no matter how much you disagree. Start the sentences with «I believe/think/opinion that…» and try to find commonality using «I agree with you on…».
• Accept that person as they are. There is nothing worse than the fantasy of change, thinking that the next time will be different. Mentalize that it is not going to change, or at least that its change does not depend on you.
• Keep your objectives in mind. If you think you’re going to be fooled or it’s going to cause you a lot of anxiety and you’ll forget, write them down and try to have them on hand.
• Don’t be blinded by their supposed achievementsmost of the time they will be oversized.
• If you see that it surpasses you, it is good to distance yourself. Limit contact to what is essential.
• Seek support and help. We do not always know how to handle situations of this type and we need tools that we cannot learn on our own.

Always keep in mind that If you have discomfort, you must seek help.