“Emily” has been married to “Christian” for about three years, a few months after the son they had together was born. During this time her marriage has been falling apart due to arguments, disagreements and lack of coordination in her daily routine, so now she does not feel happy, but she wants to maintain the relationship for “well-being.” of her little one.
The idea of maintaining a relationship solely for the sake of children is a recurring situation in many couples, until coexistence is irremediably broken or unhappiness is prolonged and then transmitted to the child himself..
Dr. María Elena López, specialized in family and community psychology, explains that the most frequent reasons why they make this decision, in addition to having killed love, “It is the feeling of guilt, failure and incompetence in your work as parents”.
“Some couples avoid separating due to economic conditions or to avoid causing damage with the separation, the move to a new house and legal processes such as custody and support,” analyzes the expert, author of the book Something is happening at home: my parents’ divorce.
However, the doctor points out that A forced relationship can cause more damage to a child than the separation itself, so it is advisable to sign the breakup when the scenario is irreversible..
“If parents live together only for their children, the symptoms of disagreement, confrontation and distance between the couple become more acute. Frequently it leads to aggression, apathy, devaluation or abandonment among family members” and this undoubtedly affects the child more, points out psychologist María Elena López.
What you should do in a relationship where you are not happy, but you have a child
Dr. María Elena points out some considerations or resources that you could exhaust before taking the definitive step of separation. These are:
Although it is a stigmatized tool, there are up to 9 reasons that indicate when you should attend couples therapy. “Many families benefit from therapeutic help, advice from outside people or even books,” said the psychologist.
If you are making the decision to continue in the relationship for your child, the ideal is that you at least try to reconcile with your partner, as long as the conditions are met. Don’t be alone for the sake of being, try to create a family atmosphere, otherwise, separation is the most convenient.
This is key! Do you think that because your son is 2 or 3 years old he doesn’t understand what is happening? Maybe he doesn’t understand the reasons and he doesn’t know the meaning of the words they use, but If you feel that there is a tense atmosphere, a raised tone of voice and that there are negative emotions.
When you have an argument, lock yourself in the bathroom, bedroom or car, but when the child is present, dedicate yourself to creating a loving environment. The little one does not require you to hug each other, but he does He needs to listen to them talk (even if he doesn’t understand), he needs to feel a calm, normal environment and, above all, one that is shared with him..
If you are going to be in a relationship for your child and you claim that you are doing it for his or her well-being, these must be the conditions to be met. If it is not possible, divorce is the least painful route.
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