The first thing we must clarify with you on this very delicate topic is that the statement that “he doesn’t understand that he hurts you” is an assumption that may not be true. This means that Your partner may talk badly to you and even be completely aware of it., turning it into a form of manipulation and control, knowing that it hurts you. This, my friend, is psychological violence.
What does it mean to speak badly? It is everything related to: use of an inappropriate, loud or sarcastic tone, mockery, insults, shouting, lack of tact and what they call “excess of sincerity”.
Dr. Valeria Sabater, a psychologist from Spain and specialized in Mental System Management: neurocreativity, innovation and sixth sense, indicates that The main thing is to detect that you are being a victim of this type of behavior. “You can’t let it become a habit.”he points out.
Also remember that there are up to 7 ways your partner could disrespect you and you might not realize it.
“We cannot ignore that violent or aggressive communication is a form of abuse. The consequences of living for months (or years) in a context where insults or humiliation are common have a serious psychological impact,” added the expert.
He also points out a term called “progression of abuse.” This means that When your partner speaks badly to you, “it is likely that at first they are apparently jokes, but with sharp phrases that are camouflaged with irony”. He even accompanies them with giggles and expressions like: “I didn’t mean it.”
But these behaviors gain strength over time, oppressing you and leaving you in a silence that is difficult to escape. Having your partner speak badly to you is a direct blow to your self-esteem and dignity..
What can I do if my partner speaks badly to me?
No, it’s not about locking yourself in the room and letting him sleep on the couch, but about NEVER overlooking an episode in which your partner has spoken badly to you.
Dr. Valeria Sabatier advises acting with assertiveness, decision and determination to express that you didn’t like the way he spoke and that you are not willing to tolerate it.
“If you do not respond, the abuse will continue and even increase,” warns the psychologist.
And since men are experts in arguments like: “I didn’t say that”, “you are exaggerating” or “when did I talk to you like that”, It is essential that you recite each of the words, expressions and comments he used in the conversation where he hurt you..
Likewise, you are going to ask that this type of behavior not be repeated again. and that you expect (and deserve) respect, understanding, complicity and empathy.
It can be complicated if you are a sensitive woman, although verbal abuse from a partner can really leave us on the floor for a whole day.
However, it is recommended that Don’t show obvious signs of weakness, as over time your partner will know the exact words that knock you out psychologically.. Never give anyone, not even your boyfriend or husband, tools with which they can hurt you.
A direct conversation with your partner about this situation does NOT have to be repeated. If you have presented all the evidence of verbal abuse and have made the message clear “stop, think and respect me”, the right thing to do is to prevent it from happening again.
There may be heated discussions, differences, disagreements, but this does not mean that you should raise your tone, be sarcastic, make fun or use inappropriate words.
If time passes and these episodes repeat, you have two options: give an ultimatum, raising the possibility of ending the relationship, or simply making the decision immediately.
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