When we are taken by jealousy we see a dark panorama full of pain and sadness. On the other hand, love is a feeling that gives us happiness and causes us to open up our vision.
Nobody likes to talk about them, either because of the shame of admitting that one feels them, or because of the pressure that one suffers when living under the same roof as a jealous person.
Relationship experts warn that jealousy is a human feelingnatural, like sadness, worry… They have always been related to love by tradition and have been extolled by the work of poets over the centuries.
All human beings suffer from them and, according to the psychoanalyst Susana Lorente, “It is not harmful for couples to have a “scene” of jealousy every three months, but mild, in the sense that one of the two feels, in this way, that the other cares”. For this psychoanalyst, normal, healthy jealousy is that which arises, for example, when a girl dresses up a lot and her husband tells her «you look so pretty, where are you going?»but without any malice, no more questions no further consequences.
Jealousy has to do with a sense of ownership
When we feel that something belongs to us, we give it added value for the simple fact that it belongs to us. This is due to the fact that, in a common and current way, human beings have «attachment» to people or things.
Attachment means pleasing the self, «I want, I want, I want…» Which makes us live clinging to everything that causes us well-being.
We have an excessive concern for our own pleasure
The greater that clinging, the greater the selfishness of the person. This selfishness has a high cost for those who experience it, because it feeds on the fear of losing something or someone that «we own»
We do not realize that the more we live in fear of losing someone, the more we suffer, because what makes us suffer is fear.
We forget about the recovery capabilities we have in the face of any loss, despite some sayings that remind us that pain is not forever, such as “There is no evil that lasts 100 years, nor a Christian who endures them”.
Manage jealousy to live without fear
If we trusted more in our adaptive nature in relation to emotional pain, and we did not forget that it is similar to the regenerative qualities of the skin that always recovers when it suffers an injury, then surely we would live with less fear and therefore with less attachment and therefore Of course, the matter of jealousy would acquire another much more manageable nuance.
However, jealousy is usually a mask of fear fueled by attachment and some beliefs.
False beliefs about what a sentimental partner means
Believing that a person will provide us with lasting happiness. Believing that we can possess someone. The fear of losing the partner can only be removed by the person involved, behaving more affectionate, more dedicated, etc.
In short, the ingredients that can generate jealousy are the fear from which insecurity is derived.
This video shows how obsessive we can become when we feel jealous:
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Source: Kena