Love is one of the deepest, most ambiguous and eccentric feelings that human beings experience throughout their lives. And it turns out that it is one of the first emotions that invade us since we are infants: we profess an unconditional and equally deep polygamous love for both parents, in general terms. The first manifestation of love, therefore, is far from the monogamy that, later, we will develop towards our partner under social precepts.
Society pushes the individual to love relatives (in the plural) and to have friends and love them all (in the plural as well). Nevertheless, Why is it so conflicting for a person, in the face of social ideals, to find that they are in love with two people at the same time? In fact, is this possible?
Coach Sylvia Ramirez is of the opinion that it is possible to have very intense feelings for two people at the same time, just not in the same way. “The key to knowing who you love is in the spirit of staying. We must understand that the feeling that we intensely love two people at the same time is due, to a large extent, to the confusion created in our body by the cocktail of chemical substances (dopamine, adrenaline and norepinephrine) that we release due to the enthusiasm that we are woken up by someone who has just appeared and catches our attention, for some reason more powerful than normal”indicates.
On the other hand, for Luis Alberto Montejo, a clinical psychologist, the issue is much more complex and lies in the fact that human beings are polygamous by nature, with the ability to love two people at the same time with the same, less or equal intensity. (To have a polygamous relationship or not?). “The reality is that many of the thousands of people I have interviewed throughout my professional practice, backed by more than three decades, have been unfaithful on occasion, which implies having parallel relationships and in many cases loving two people at the same time. weather»he assures.
Ramirez, on the other hand, considers that “Monogamy was one of the choices of evolution when the survival of the human race was no longer threatened. But the substance is that humans do not live under any determinism that imposes a single way of being or feeling. We can always choose.»
For both experts, there is a difference emotional level between the concepts want and love someone. If for Montejo it is a matter related to the intensity of feeling and the individual convictions of each one, for the coach “You love someone when you are committed to their well-being. On the other hand, you love someone when you feel sympathy, a special affection. The conflict of someone who feels that he loves two people is often created by idealizing the last one to appear on the scene, and believing that he loves her as much as his usual partner. The lack of distinction between these terms can be the origin in many cases of the confusion that is generated when one feels that he loves two people at the same time, despite the fact that it is totally viable and human for this to happen.
It turns out that, theoretically, loving two people is possible. However, the problem lies in practice. In Western culture, for example, this polygamous love is represented by the figures of the spouse, on the one hand, and the lover, on the other – in case both people are kneaded at the same time, of course. However, social norms do not contemplate the possibility that a person can share her life formally and freely with both: neither legally nor in the eyes of public opinion. Thus, custom and tradition, cynical on the other hand, have allowed this love triangle to subsist, but penalize whoever does it with the knowledge and consent of all parties.
Each person has their own convictions, so there is no one relationship equal to another. Neither are immovable parameters by which they must be governed. The problem is the weight that society exerts on them, especially on this side of the pond. Dr. Montejo advises, in these cases, that who loves two people decide with whom he stays, since, “Although statistically it is normal to love more than one person at a time, in the case of couples, we have been educated under the prism of exclusivity, and as long as this belief is maintained, having parallel relationships is very exhausting for all the people involved. ”.
Taken from Fuchsia Magazine