Are we unfaithful by nature? – Chile

If the old adage «once a cheat, always a cheat» is true, the findings detailed in David P. Barash’s book Out of Eden could mean that many of us are, well, screwed.

According to Barash, a psychology professor at the University of Washington in Seattlethe simple truth (and in many ways the «complicated» truth) is that monogamy may be more of a social pressure than a biological inclination.

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«When people of any gender act out their polygamous leanings while living in a monogamous tradition, they are cheating on their sociocultural commitment, but not on their biology,» Barash writes, in an excerpt published in Salon.

Live Science reports that only between 3 and 5% of mammalian species mate for life. But Barash said statistics like these aren’t as clear-cut as they seem: Over the years, scientists have determined that there is a crucial difference between social monogamy and sexual monogamy, being the latter much less common.

For humans, a move away from monogamy can mean explore other romantic arrangements.

While only 15% of Americans ages 18-29 say they would consider a open relationshipbetween 4 and 5% of the US population identifies as polyamorousand many more are experimenting with Nearly endless possibilities for relationships.

Barash said the polyandry and polygyny they will be a slippery slope in societies that prize monogamy. But most of us at some point we will meet somewhere between these two poles.

«We have tendencies in both directions: we want to bond with people, we want to engage and have a sense of security,» Tao Ruspoli, the documentary filmmaker behind Monogamish, told Mic’s Kate Hakala in 2015. «But we also have other desires to explore, to have a sense of mystery in our lives, and obviously to keep our sexuality alive. So the question is,how we negotiate all those tensions

So, are we unfaithful by nature or not?

Well, we live in a culture where nearly 50% of marriages end in divorce. Many of these couples end due to infidelity. Does it mean that as a society we are not committed to monogamy? Or is it rather because for many, monogamy is something unnatural?

Some assume that it is a symptom of some underlying problem in a marriage or long-term relationship, ignoring a fundamental problem that is if monogamy is compatible with the average person. Also, apparently, we are not very good at choosing our lovers either, since only 10% of these types of relationships last even a month; and the rest lasts, at most a year or two. Very few extramarital relationships last more than 3 or 4 years.

Perhaps, as a response to the constant increase in divorces, which are now sure to increase after we come out of confinement, today there is a new generation of open marriagesand willing to experience what is defined as polyamorywhere the couples choose to define their own structural forms of new monogamy.

Some couples decide what is traditionally called an «open relationship»where sexual fidelity is not required, but the relationship is based on the emotional connection that is what defines the concept of monogamy.

The positive thing about this questioning is that new questions are being generated that affect the way how do we understand currently the concept of monogamy and this should mean an enrichment to our point of view on what means for us a couple relationship and what we can improve to be happier and feel more complete and free in our relationships.